I have seen you lost it all. I have seen you confused in the brightest of days and how you wouldn’t ask anyone for the right way. I have seen you lost your petals, how those are blown away by the wind because they are really your broken pieces. I have seen you keep it all together when that’s the least you could do. I have seen you laugh your heart out because for once, you weren’t too occupied with those terrifying thoughts. I have seen you find ways, very random ones to go and talk to that girl in the room and just be with her because she lights up that spark within you. I have seen you avoid conversations with him because you fear he might think you are too boring. I have seen you eat alone so you don’t get judged for eating too much. I have seen you look at people with wishful eyes, hoping you’d be as content as they are one day.
What I haven’t seen is you being carefree and enjoy life like you should be. I haven’t see you be open about your feelings, what I have seen is you being withdrawn and not being able to get emotional. I haven’t see you laugh like there’s no tomorrow, I haven’t seen the real you live your life.
Hiding can be better than actually coming out and facing the world but can we? Can we hide forever in the dark fantasy that everything is all sugar and sprinkles? One way or another, one day or another, we will have to accept that walking through puddles and letting yourself get stained by the muddy pathways is all you can do in order to get where you have to. Want to.
I know it hurts, it hurts living those days you didn’t ask for. It hurts not being able to accept that you aren’t someone without a heart, because you do and that too of gold. Everything and everyone will exit your life one day, you need to accept that. What you don’t have to accept is that inner voice telling you that it was because of you that they left. You have to realise that not everyday you will get to eat cheesecake. Once in a while you will get sick and you will have to survive on porridge.
One day you will wake up and realise you are not sad anymore. One day you will no longer have to survive a day, you will live it. One day all your sorrows will turn into something worthless and all that will matter will be you. Then why give up? Why don’t you survive until that day, until you can actually live every freaking day. Because darling if not now, then when?